Category: Uncategorized

One of the perks of getting older is having lived when times were very different, and living long enough to see things greatly improve. Take phones, for instance. No one wants to go back to having a single wall phone per household. Yes, back when I was young and dinosaurs roamed the earth, there was actually no such thing as everyone each having their own personal portable phone. Every home had a single wall-mounted phone (usually in the kitchen).Very early on, multiple households even shared the same line. Try to imagine the horrors of party lines!- they meant “parties” like you had to wait your turn to make a call- and neighbors could listen in on your conversations- or vice versa. Today’s cell phones might have their downsides, but they’re mostly lovely little mini-computers that we rely on. No one wants to lose those advances- especially those who remember early phones. I really appreciate today’s cell phones- even if I am tech-challenged (I recently Face-timed a friend by accident and still can’t figure out what I did).

I also remember a time when vaccines weren’t as controversial as they are today- they were hailed as life-savers. When I was a small child, one of my toddler cousins had the dubious distinction of being the last reported case of polio in our state of IL. He survived the polio but never walked again. My cousin Tommy’s wheelchair was our family’s sad reminder of the very real devastation of polio- the Salk vaccine rollout that began in 1955 was too late for him. 

This came to my mind recently when Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell was the solo Republican vote against vaccine opponent Robert F. Kennedy Jr. becoming head of US Health and Human Services.  McConnell survived childhood polio himself, and explained, “I will not condone the re-litigation of proven cures, and neither will millions of Americans who credit their survival and quality of life to scientific miracles.” Actors Mia Farrow, Alan Alda, and Donald Sutherland, outdoor entrepreneur Richard Cabela, and film director Francis Ford Coppola would surely concur- they are among the many who survived debilitating battles with polio. 

Back then in the mid-1950’s, the polio vaccine was ardently welcomed, embraced by families determined to protect themselves and their children from a disease that started small but rose to 52,000 polio cases by 1952. Polio is a viral infection of the intestinal tract, that can travel to the brain stem, halt lung function, cause paralysis and death- and usually affects children.

So I truly hope that some today will reconsider their vaccine skepticism. No one should have to revisit leg braces, wheelchairs, iron lungs- or fatalities- when there is a reliable proven prevention available. Americans back in my day thankfully gained trust in medical breakthroughs, and they experienced greatly improved public health from medical miracles such as penicillin and childhood vaccines. In 1979, the World Health Organization declared polio cases eradicated in the US. Rubella, measles, and mumps vaccinations began in the 1960’s, and reduced those deadly child-killing diseases as well. 

Texas is currently experiencing an outbreak of measles– up to 90 confirmed cases, with more likely, most of them in unvaccinated individuals. New Mexico and Georgia have also reported measles cases recently. Measles is an airborne disease that is highly contagious, and can cause complications or even be fatal. It is also vaccine-preventable and was thought to have been eliminated from the US in 2000. It appears vaccine skepticism may be impacting this achievement. 

I remember a time when vaccines saved countless lives- and they still can. But many people today don’t share that firsthand knowledge of those past medical successes. Plus the collective memory of the horrors of these preventable diseases has faded. Any positive recollections of these vaccines working their welcome relief in our society’s heath are being overshadowed by growing distrust and skepticism.  

Asking questions is a good thing, and it is true that vaccines, like any widely used medical treatment, can have side effects or problems. Instances of contaminated vaccines (e.g. the Cutter Incident) happened, prompting stricter regulations and oversights to be put in place or increased, with additional studies done to improve safety. The CDC (Center for Disease Control) and the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) continuously monitor vaccine safety through multiple safety systems. Despite issues, there is overwhelming medical and scientific evidence that the benefits of vaccines greatly outweigh the risks. It’s understandable that a parent whose child experienced a vaccine-related illness would feel very differently. But history still shows that the disease, left totally unchecked, causes more extensive damage and death than any rare complications arising from vaccine use.  

Skeptics may believe that organizations like the drug companies or big Pharma or whoever are only perpetrating a vaccine system purely for profit. However I am the skeptic when it comes to that argument. Too many people are alive today that can personally attest to the life-saving effectiveness of vaccines. Which brings us to today- our nation is facing a vaccine skeptic in charge of our Department of Health and Human Services. The health of our nation could possibly suffer if the valid history of vaccine successes is ignored or forgotten, under the helm of a health leader that discounts vaccine use for our country’s population. 

Now I’m older, with a compromised immune system as well, and I’m more vulnerable to diseases. I depend on a US population that is defending its public health. Vaccines are more important now than ever. Please take some time to think about my cousin- and so many others- who never walked again because a vaccine arrived too late for them. Or read Mia Farrow’s story of polio’s impact on her life and her adopted son Thaddeus. Francis Ford Coppola has his polio story to share as well. 

It is wise to let history’s lessons and memories remain clear- they can help guide our decisions today. There is a cost to forgetting history.

I have had many generally uneventful healthy years on this earth- with only several “slight cases” of pregnancy (resulting in a beautiful boy and girl), and a side detour for cancer. But now I can truly be revealed as the good-for-nothing stoner that I really am- or at least what certain portions of my anatomy are. You see, my recent annual physical and blood test revealed troubling high liver and iron levels that set my doctor’s stethoscope spinning. More tests and an ultrasound later, I have learned that it is a boy. No, I have learned that my gallbladder (just a small part of me) is the good-for-nothing stoner. Two stones to be exact. Such news is not particularly welcome. It ushers in multiple trips to Medical-land- a place of sterile waiting rooms and intense specialists muttering a strange language known as Medicalese. 

Like most people, Medical-land is someplace I’d rather not visit. The things they do to you in Medical-land are euphemistically called “procedures.” Additionally those mysterious imaging methods and processes practiced in Medical-land are usually done to you while you’re wearing what they refer to as a “gown.” This medical fashion statement has a slit down its center and reveals more skin than I’m guessing would be seen in an X-rated film. Such a breezy “gown” should have a much more realistic name… peek-a-boo toga? …reverse cape? …backless wonder (thoughtfully designed for those who want extra ventilation and no privacy at all?) 

Anyway my “procedures”continued, and much paperwork and a scan were transferred inter-office between various medical persons. It was ultimately determined that other than finding the gall stones, they could not figure out why my blood test levels had spiked as they did. Eventually the liver doctor said there had likely been some virus or other unknown that had caused the blood level reactions, since all the blood tests now had returned to normal. The newly-revealed calcified gall stones were not the culprits as I had assumed. The doctor thinks I’ve probably had those for many years. There is nothing medical to do if I’m having no problems- which is certainly fine by me. At least I think that is everything that he said- I am not very fluent in Medicalese. By the way, the technician commented that I have an “unremarkable spleen.” I would be insulted, as I am certain that my spleen is pretty special.  But she said it like an unremarkable spleen is a good thing, so I stayed quiet. (Who can figure out these medical folk?)

In the times of heraldry people had coats of arms with their family mottos and symbols on them. I have no idea what my own family crest looks like, but I can fully visualize the distinctive heraldic shield if my pet cat had a coat of arms. Her shield would have a standing silver cat on a field of red, in full profile, teeth bared and paws extended. On her shield would be the motto “Noli tangere felem” -Touch not the cat.

That shield is the one I would like to use myself for my next medical visit, except I could modify the motto to “Noli tangere felem aut mulierem” -Touch not the cat or the woman (my pets and I stick together). My shiny blade and red shield with the fierce silver cat and motto on it would flash out warning. Using this combat armor and sword, I would protect myself from that peek-a-boo toga, the lady in the blue scrubs with the needles, and the countless other personnel muttering in Medicalese. All the assorted members of Medical-land would learn about the fight they’d get as I protect both my good-for-nothing stoner of a gallbladder and my unremarkable spleen from medical intrusion. 

That’s my daydream. Instead I meekly follow whatever my doctors or technicians instruct me to do. Bah.

There’s a presidential election coming up this November, and disinformation campaigns are in full swing. AI has been used to clone the voice of President Joe Biden– recently heard in robocalls urging New Hampshire voters to stay home and not vote. Deepfake images are presenting manipulated fake videos. A sample deepfake of Republican AZ Senate nominee Kari Lake was posted to warn how realistic deepfakes can be. But there has already been a malicious deepfake spotted of former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi appearing drunk while talking with reporters at the US Capital. Bots on social media are created to spread false claims about election issues, amplified with likes and shares to reach millions of users.

But today’s disinformation is not new. You might be surprised to find that the 1934 CA campaign for governor was likely the first to use a “video” smear campaign– against socialist muckraker and author Upton Sinclair. At the time, Sinclair was famous for his popular novel “The Jungle” which exposed the meatpacking industry’s health violations. Sinclair had considerable support in his try for governor as a Democratic candidate, basing his platform on ending poverty in California. Terrified of his victory, business execs, publishers, and Hollywood moguls joined forces to stop him. Hollywood studio employees were docked a day’s pay to contribute to the opposing Republican Frank Merriam. Studio execs threatened to move headquarters to FL. The LA Times refused to cover Sinclair rallies. 

But the final blow to Sinclair’s campaign was a series of fake newsreels created by Hollywood producer Irving Thalberg. “Reporters” spoke to “people on the street”- most of them actually scripted actors. Well-dressed people criticized Sinclair. The individuals with shabby clothes and heavy foreign accents touted Sinclair as the candidate of the people. Before television and internet, newsreels were the information source of the day- documentary short films of current affairs and information played in movie theaters. The faked newsreels were shown in theaters throughout CA- and Sinclair lost the race. It is thought that the smear campaign launched against him swayed the election. The legacy of these faked newsreels echoes in our disinformation campaigns of today.    

So how can you detect disinformation in the new propaganda tools sprung up since 1934? Former CIA analyst Cindy L. Otis- author of a book “True or False: A CIA Analyst’s Guide to Spotting Fake News”– offers clarifying tips. Another author- information scientist Donald A. Barclay- highlights common tactics of disinformation in his work “Disinformation: The Nature of Facts and Lies in the Post-Truth Era.”

Here are some effective methods to help you uncover the truth:

Appraise your emotions and biases. Many times actual true videos are used online, but they are incorrectly placed in an emotionally-charged context. A good example of this was during the covid lockdown. A true video of a train transporting military equipment through downtown San Diego CA was posted. However the headline used with it implied that a nationwide military-enforced lockdown was taking place. This is not a new tactic- people have often used real videos of military transports to cause panic over claims that military invasions are underway. Research any stirring information for additional supporting data. Don’t let your emotion or bias drive you, or lead you to relay false content to others. 

Be skeptical- ask obvious questions.

In 2020 a conspiracy theory exploded about expensive Wayfair productsactually being coded listings for missing children being sold in human trafficking schemes. Items like dressers or pillows were priced at $10,000-$20,000, using description names (supposedly of missing children) as part of human sex trafficking. Wayfair claimed a software glitch on the pricing errors, and removed some items – which only fanned further conspiracy accusations. Deeper questioning would have revealed that the instigators of this claim regularly make accusations of child sex trafficking. They have charged Amazon, Etsy, Walmart, various celebrities and politicians, etc. of child trafficking (even claiming these scandals can only be tracked using the Russian search engine Yandex). However, no victims have ever been found. 

Recognize that repetition does not make a statement true.

An example of repetition taking on a new life is in slogans like “Stop the Steal” or “Drain the Swamp.” These slogans have the underlying ideas that an election was stolen, or civil service is totally corrupted. Endless repetition just reinforces the ideas as true- the more people hear something, the more likely they are to believe it. Despite repeated election result analysis to the contrary, current confidence in the US election process has been lowered.   

Avoid the part/whole fallacy that sows division. 

Disinformers look for the most controversial policy view of an opposing party, and falsely say that the whole party shares that view. “All Republicans prioritize tax cuts for the rich- they only care about the interests of the rich!” “Radical Democrats want to defund the police!”  By claiming ALL believe or do something, an entire organization is tainted, despite political party members having myriad viewpoints. 

Do your research. Ask questions. Analyze what information is being relayed to you. Don’t let the falsehoods, fears, and divisiveness of disinformation cloud your life, or impact your voting. 

#disinformation #1934 smear campaign #election propaganda #fake news

It took just one day, a year ago. 

On one day-August 7- there was a bustling Maui seaside town of 12,000 residents- beloved by tourists for its charm, and revered by residents for its Hawaiian legacy. By the next day- August 8, 2023- more than 100 people were dead and at least 80% of the town had burned to the ground. Maui’s city of Lahaina had been naturally fire-bombed, by a blaze likely sparked by a downed power line and fanned by hurricane winds from Hurricane Dora off the coast.

“These kinds of fires, they erase your fingerprints on this world. The fire keeps taking and the aftermath goes on for years.” (Barbara Bowen, Paradise fire survivor)

We in California know all about wildfires. We had the historic Gold Rush town of Paradise- and their neighboring town of Concow- destroyed in the Camp Fire in 2018. Just as in Lahaina, many died horribly, trapped in their cars while struggling to flee the flames. The Camp Fire killed 85 people, and destroyed 18,000 town buildings and homes. Paradise’s 26,000 residents were reduced by 80%- to around 4,700.  

So Californians, with our many Paradise and other wildfire victims, can empathize with the hard issues that Maui survivors now face. Being displaced by economic uncertainties while waiting for settlement monies or permits to rebuild are just a few of them. Donations to Rebuild Paradise Foundation- a key aid for Paradise residents starting over- are welcome anytime, even now 5 years later. 

Maui is still particularly vulnerable after an incredibly hard year. Only 21 residential property owners have begun to rebuild their homes in the 5 mile Lahaina burn zone. And even though a whole year has passed, no commercial building permits have been released yet. Delays are due to complications from a push to restore a buried historical site and wetland, along with a rising sea level that is predicted to impact any rebuilt ocean front properties. Displaced people remain struggling for long-term housing. Tourism- the main source of most everyone’s livelihood- has not returned to its former level.

So recovery from a devastating wildfire is an extended painful process. A lot of ongoing support from concerned people is still needful. Donating to our Hawaiian brethren- through any number of faithful organizations such as the American Red Cross, Convoy of Hope, Chef Hui, or Hawaii Community Foundation’s Maui Strong Fund- is a wonderful gesture. Now is an especially nice time to make a “birthday” contribution for Hawaii, since they became America’s 50th state on August 21, 1959. 

Yet the debate rages on whether such intense fires are a result of climate change. The factors that created these perfect firestorms are complex, and scientists will be studying them for years to come. But stepping back for a larger view of these catastrophic events is perhaps a wise move for everyone. You can give support for organizations such as the National Fire Protection Association or their Firewise USA program that help to reduce residential fire risk- or follow their practical safety procedures for your own home. Maybe give to scientific research done by large organizations like the Nature Conservancy. Or support lesser known organizations such as DEPLOY/US that aims for net-zero emissions by 2050, US’s Clean Air Task Force, or US-based Project Inner Space with their focus on geothermal energy. There are endless opportunities for everyone to help people and our world in some way. 

Because one thing is for certain. The day has come for everyone to become both empathetic and proactive about these climate events- in whatever ways you choose to best express it. It took just one day-a single day– for the ordinary residents of Lahaina or Paradise or California’s North Bay Counties to have their worlds upended and changed forever. 

We must be in this together, because more of those days are sure to come.  

#MauiWildfires #CampFire #FirewiseUSA #Lahaina

Hackers and thieves are ecstatic. This past July 2024, nearly 10 BILLION PASSWORDS- the largest compilation of unique passwords ever leaked- was posted on a popular hacking forum. Known as RockYou2024, this cyber leak has huge implications. Authorities expect that this leaked list will lead to stolen identities, financial losses, and account takeovers for people all over the world. 

Seniors in particular pose a very tempting target to such cyber thieves. They are sometimes unfamiliar with technology, tend to be more trusting, and often have accrued a nest egg. In 2023 people over the age of 60 became the highest age group to fall victim to cyber crime in the US. 

But this statistic about seniors doesn’t have to be the norm anymore. As the saying goes “With age comes wisdom…” and it can be true in your “cyber life” too. There are a few simple proactive steps to take- to prevent yourself from becoming a victim of this latest RockYou2024 password leak.

FIRST- SOME CLUES THAT YOU’VE BEEN HACKED:

You cannot log into online accounts with your password anymore (social media, email, online banking).

There are emails or texts about login attempts, password resets, or two-factor authentication (2FA) that you did not do.

You see strange emails in your “Sent” folder- or maybe logins from mobile devices/locations you do not recognize. 

Friends/family have received unusual email or social account messages from “you.”

You receive data breach notifications from a service stating your personal information was leaked. 

There are suspicious charges on credit card or bank statements.

Spam emails start arriving to you, sometimes threatening or extorting you.  

There are insurance claims that you have not submitted, accounts you do not recognize, or co-signers you did not authorize. 

Lenders call you to check on loan inquiries you did not make.

Incorrect employment history shows up on your credit report- possibly by a fraudster using your identity to work illegally.  

The first thing to do if you suspect that an account has been hacked, is to promptly change ALL your passwords. And make sure to use DIFFERENT passwords for each of your accounts.  

NOW- HOW TO PROTECT YOUR PASSWORDS FROM DATA LEAKS

Use strong unique passwords– different ones for each account. This prevents bad actors from using one hacked password to try to access your other accounts that use the same password. An example of a strong password is that it is more than 10 characters, with upper and lower case  letters, along with numbers and symbols. It is difficult for someone to guess- with no obvious personal information or common words. (Don’t use 123456, Qwerty, Password, welcome, 111111, Q2w3e4r5t, or admin– hackers have discovered these incredibly commonly used passwords already!!!).

Look into using multi-factor authentication (MFA). An extra layer of security is added with MFA- which requires a additional forms of verification. You are probably already familiar with multi-factor authentication. When you try to access your bank information online, they send a numerical code to your email or text, or do a phone call for verification. This would specifically be two factor authentication (2FA)-a type of MFA that uses only two factors of authentication.

For instance, depending on your phone type, there are free MFA apps to add to your phone such as Microsoft Authenticator or Google Authenticator. Computers also have app options such as WinAuth (for windows PCs) KeePassXC (for Windows, Mac and Linux), Authenticator or GAuth (for Chrome Extension), or Authenticator.cc ( for Chrome, Firefox and Edge). 

You can use a password manager that generates high-strength passwords. A secure password manager is a software application for an individual or business that stores MFA codes and autofills them for you. The two best 2024 password managers are listed as 1Password (about $30 annually) and Bitwarden (free) but there are many more options. 

These are just a few proactive tactics you can take to combat data breaches and weak passwords. Some common sense actions will protect your passwords and keep you from becoming a cyber victim of hacks such as RockYou2024. Prove to those cyber thieves that wisdom DOES come with age… 

Purse snatching can happen anytime, anywhere- when you least expect it. Recently my friend and I stopped at a local fast food place while doing some errands. We got our food and sat at a table.  My friend hung her purse on her chair, but fortunately had part of the purse strap underneath her.  A man sat at a table right behind us, with his back to her. My friend felt her purse move, and loudly cried out “My purse!” while grabbing at it. It was then that the man behind her looked back and mumbled an apology- as if he had “accidentally bumped” her purse. But he then immediately got up and quickly left. Suspicious too late, we noticed that he was by himself, with no food order or drink. The wanna-be thief had likely been watching expressly for a chance to sit behind someone, snatch their dangling purse, and quickly exit. 

If my friend’s purse had been unzipped, the snatcher more easily could have just reached inside it, slipped her wallet out, and left. Maybe she might not have realized her purse or wallet was missing right away. That would have given a thief time to happily use her credit cards at some nearby store for a few immediate large purchases- before the accounts were frozen.   

My friend thwarted her purse snatcher- and avoided a BIG mess. Everyone knows (and hates) the time-consuming pain and inconvenience of canceling credit and club cards and replacing them, applying for a new driver’s license, replacing the cell phone (losing data and photos!!!), changing passwords on accounts to combat any identity theft- and losing cash you might have been carrying too. That is the sort of negative result that an encounter with a successful purse snatcher will cause you. 

There are many ways to intentionally protect your purse and foil a thief. You have to think like a thief, and make yourself a very bad target. Remember that thieves are cruel. They will take advantage of your distraction- AND your trust and friendliness. Thieves target moms preoccupied with their kids, older people juggling bags and canes, tourists who look lost, women  walking alone, and those in crowded spaces being jostled. People distractedly paying attention to their cell phones- WHICH IS EVERYONE- are also favorite targets. Some thieves work in pairs- one to occupy you with conversation or questions, while their partner helps themselves to your unattended purse in the shopping cart. 

Here are 10 key strategies to thwart a purse snatcher:

1. Always hold your purse close to your body- never let it stick out behind you. And never let it remain open.

2. Wear any purse with the strap across your body, diagonally across your chest. If the strap is shorter, keep the purse tucked under your arm.  

3. Keep the purse closed- zippered shut. Or if it has a flap closure, keep the flap against your body when walking. 

4. Make sure to keep the purse in FRONT of you as often as possible. This is especially important when you are going through a revolving door, or getting on a bus or train. Don’t be that tempting commuter target that carelessly dangles a purse when boarding. You’ll make your train ride at the expense of losing your wallet. 

5. In public restrooms, be sure to loop your bag’s strap around the door hook, and keep watching it. Thieves sometime use distraction methods such as dropping change on the floor in the next stall. Don’t get fooled. 

6. Be aware of drive-by purse-snatching. Walk away from the curb, on the street side against (not with) car traffic. Also be aware of e-bikes and scooters around you.  

7. Use backpacks only for non-valuables- extra jacket, water bottle, maps- since what’s on your back is NOT under your control. 

8. Fanny packs are closer to your body, but can be opened easily by experienced thieves. A safety pin or paperclip fastened to the zipper pulls can be a deterrent, since it takes longer to open. A thief may just move on to an easier target.    

9. When sitting in any public spot, keep your bag on your lap- never hanging from a chair. Keeping your purse on the floor between your feet when sitting is not an entirely foolproof option either. If you are not paying close attention, the “kick and swipe” method can be used by a thief. They will gently kick your bag away from you, close enough for them to discreetly bend over, pick it up, and depart. Some people swear by devices like “chair lock loops” that affix your purse to the chair. (Or even simply putting the chair leg through the purse strap on the floor to anchor it). 

10. Try to always put your wallet at the bottom of your purse- not at the top where it is easily accessed. 

Think like a thief…where would you go to snag a purse or two?

Shopping areas and malls– Perfect purse picking opportunities are everywhere, as crowds shop and play, without a care. Thieves especially LOVE shoe stores, full of distracting beautiful shoes that people try on, leaving valuables “ripe for the picking.”

Grocery stores– There’s unattended purses in carts everywhere- and especially lots of moms with helpfully distracting children!

Restaurants– These places are filled to the brim with diners focused on visiting and eating, with tantalizing purses hanging on the backs of chairs or sitting on the floor, beckoning for an “ownership transfer.” Outdoor restaurant spaces can be targets too- it’s easy for a thief to reach the belongings of a seated patio guest between the potted plants or fencing. 

Fast food places- These are wonderful places for thieves since there is no monitoring of who walks in or out (unlike a restaurant that seats its guests). 

Concerts– Fans participating in sports or music events are all about having a good time- not wary of theft! Add a bit of alcohol, and their guard is really down. 

Public transportation– Jostling crowds, people in a hurry.. heaven for a thief. 

Tourist attractions– These sites are all about the perfect photo- not the perfect protection for your backpack or purse. 

Thieves are creative- they find purse snatching opportunities everywhere. Targets could be someone at an ATM, people strolling alone, a person walking to the car in a dark parking garage, families picnicking in the park, guests checking in or out in hotel lobbies…

Some women feel better by investing in various anti-theft bags and devices to reduce their risks. But knowledge about thieves and their preferences is the ultimate power. So thwart any potential purse snatcher, and make key choices to protect your belongings. Awareness is your biggest advantage- take proactive steps to avoid becoming a potential victim. 

As I am getting older, it is usual to hear about people in my age group facing serious medical issues. Heart disease, cancer, or sometimes the dreaded “old-timers” disease, dementia…such serious conditions just seem to be an unfortunate part of senior life. As time goes on, the odds increase for an older person to face those conditions in themselves or those around them. 

But as hard as it is to hear about seniors and loved ones dealing with these serious medical things, it is so much harder to hear about a younger person facing terminal illness. 

A situation like this hit me particularly hard recently. 

I attended “A Broadway Birthday: Sondheim, Lloyd Webber, and Friends” at the Segerstrom Center for the Arts in Costa Mesa, CA. It was a spectacular show- with brilliant musical performances by so many Broadway greats. There was Betty Buckley (whose stellar career has spanned 1964 to present), and Liz Callaway (a Broadway singer whose voice is Jasmine in the Aladdin sequels, or Kiara in Lion King, along with her playing the part of Ellen in Broadway’s Miss Saigon, and many more…). Orange County’s own Matthew Morrison (who starred in TV show Glee for years) performed, as did wonderful pianist John Boswell… the star-power just didn’t stop. 

And then there was TV actor and Broadway star Aaron Lazar. The young man entered the stage area- walking with difficulty and using a cane. I expected some jokes about some skiing gone wrong as explanation. 

Alas no. Lazar’s 20 year Broadway and television career has been impacted with an ALS diagnosis two years ago. ALS or Lou Gehrig’s disease is a nervous system disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord, leading to loss of muscle control. It has no cure and is fatal, with a life expectancy of maybe 2 to 5 years, though some people have lived 10 years or even longer. 

So for his performance, Lazar perched uncomfortably on a stool by the piano. There was some joking with the pianist about a strict rule of never putting anything on top of a grand piano- but Aaron set his cane on it anyway. And then he sang the song “The Impossible Dream” for us all at the Segerstrom Center that night. As his beautiful voice swelled out over the audience, I am sure everyone- not just me- was crying and praying healing for this talented young singer. 

Among his many career highlights, Aaron Lazar had been known for his part as The Man of La Mancha, first singing “The Impossible Dream” 23 years ago at CCM (University of Cincinnati College-Conservatory of Music). Back then the song had a personal meaning for him. Lazar has explained, “My ‘impossible dream’ at the time was to be an actor. But I had no idea what ‘impossible’ really meant. When I got diagnosed, I thought, well, my new impossible dream is to beat this…”

I read later that Lazar hopes to inspire others with the song and his story. He has changed his  idea about his impossible dream being the “beating” ALS. Lazar now feels that he does not want to fight, or resist- he simply wants to meet ALS “with ease and joy and healing. So my impossible dream is possible. It’s just to heal- not just the physical, but my whole self.”

So I fervently hope that Aaron Lazar, his medical team, his two young boys, his family and friends, and his extended Broadway family work together to make that impossible dream possible. Since seeing him at Segerstrom Center I’ve been listening to Lazar perform “The Impossible Dream” often (at AaronLazar.com). When he first sang that song, I am sure Aaron Lazar never dreamed that it would become such a personal bittersweet anthem. 

I find it extremely hard to watch a young person facing a terminal illness. It’s somehow not right or natural. Even the statistics of the ALS disease seem to support this. Usually ALS is most common in people between the ages of 60 and the mid-80’s. Seeing Aaron Lazar with ALS is horrifically terribly wrong. Things such as ALS or pediatric cancers happen so routinely in the old order of this life. 

Such darkness for me can only be countered by faith in a heavenly order with no more death, mourning, crying or pain. Many long for that infinitely better world. In the meantime, while we are here, Aaron Lazar and all of us work on our own impossible dreams, big and small. 

And as a footnote, if I ever get discouraged about being forgetful, or having arthritis pain, or dealing with some medical issue, I remember something I once read-  

 “Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.”

Everyone has probably seen those awkward family photo cards.  You know, the amusing pictures with strange poses, odd haircuts, and unusual props. There’s even “romantic” awkward family photos for weddings taken with inadvertent backgrounds. (Who wouldn’t want lovely wedding photos with a bright blue porta potty backdrop-or a gardener bending over beyond the window, “cracks” and all?) 

There’s also such a thing as awkward family gifts. These are not the inheritances you will see on Antiques Roadshow, where great-grandma passed down an old 1794 Seymour card table now worth $300,000. Or bachelor Uncle Joe left a family member his gold pocket watch, which turned out to be a Patek Philippe pocket watch worth a cool million and a half. (And no one in the family can even figure out where the penurious old guy got such an item in the first place. Not that the family cares much about that right now…)

No, awkward family gifts are those hard-to-categorize items that clutter up your garage or closets. You grudgingly keep them, because you just can’t donate (or worse, discard) some personal item of your mom, dad, or auntie.  They stay around- even if you don’t like the thing, never use it, will never use it, it’s ugly, or worthless- or all of the above.

That is what an awkward family gift is. 

So what is my awkward family gift? It’s a pair of portraits of my grandmother and grandfather. While I know that does NOT sound too bad or awkward at first, I must explain. 

These two portraits are large paintings, done from two photos of my grandparents. They were commissioned by my mother, for her parents, as presents for their 50th wedding anniversary. In classic middle child fashion, my mother wanted to do something on a grand scale for the occasion.  So she had 2 small engagement photos of her parents made into paintings for them. 

The paintings are grand indeed- well beyond the normal size for most people’s living rooms or dens. They are fit to be hung in a great dining hall of the castle of the Stewart clan. Except that there is no great hall, or Stewart castle (at least here in the US)- for the two paintings to grace.  

Now portraits are usually only items of family interest. They’re desired by the subjects themselves, or immediate relatives. (That is unless the subject is a president, historical figure, or royalty). Plus if the portrait is not wearing distinctive period clothing, illustrating some old family trade, or showcasing the family farm, it’s likely that successive generations of viewers of said paintings lose interest.

My own grandparents hung these gift paintings in their high-ceilinged foyer. Even from up high, they dwarfed the montage of family photos that were already there. After their passing, my eldest aunt got the paintings. She placed them in a vaulted ceiling area overlooking her living room. When she died, her children passed the two paintings on to me, since it was my late mother that had commissioned them. 

Initially I tried placing them in my living room. THAT only lasted for a very short time. Their faces dominated a space that was too small for them- with eyes watching me wherever I walked.  I’d loved my grandparents when they were alive, and didn’t want any “creep factor” to ruin my good memories.  So I moved the paintings to a more proportional spot in my house. My awkward family gifts are now perched in the highest vaulted location I have, over the switchback staircase. I address them both quite regularly when I come and go. 

These awkward family gifts have accomplished one good thing for me. I am rethinking my stuff, so as not to leave it all for my children to sort. I have begun the task of slowly going through everything. There is still my struggle over school thesis papers my mother wrote (she was so proud of them!) I’m just like my friend, for instance- she is hanging onto all her dad’s framed degrees and school certificates. She feels like she’d dishonor him by not keeping them- even though he’s long gone and they mean nothing to her or her children.

It is possible and necessary to work through such pure emotion surrounding  awkward family gifts. I’m striving to practice creative ways to keep memories of someone alive, without necessarily hanging on to their every item. It’s a learning process- how to best manage my family gifts in ways to preserve memories, honor family members, AND give order for future successors.  

One way I’ve found is to associate a back story with items. A fragment of metal in a small box will mean nothing when it is found by successors. It will have meaning however- if there is some explanation with it. That nondescript piece of metal may actually be a piece of shrapnel from an injury received by a great uncle during war time. Maybe some newspaper clippings about that particular battle can add context. The back story will make all the difference to future family, and better keep the memory too. 

So memories can be preserved without clinging to every awkward family gift- even like my large paintings. But who knows, I may get my grand Stewart family castle someday? My grandparents’ portraits will look perfect in that great hall. In the meantime, I plan to keep them overlooking my stairs here for a long time to come. Plus I’m going to write interesting biographies about each of my grandparents, and put them with the paintings. For posterity.